.g.l.e.t.

-ceau

-salut, ce faci?
-da nimic, ma plictiseam in casa si m'am hotarat sa ma scot la o cafea! (zambeste)
-vrei companie?
-oferi?
-doar daca oferi tu cafeaua! (zambeste si ea)
-hai stai jos... cum esti?
-la fel, poate putin mai satula de cotidian.
-de ce?
-pai aceleasi chestii, la lucru e naspa, vreau sa demisionez ca nu mai am timp de mine, de prieteni, de nimic... am impresia ca ma indrept spre ceva ce nu'mi place.
-pai si atunci de ce nu iei masuri?
-pentru ca ma tine ceva in loc... nu stiu ce.
-nu ai nici cea mai vaga idee?
-as avea, dar nu vreau sa ii dau glas... poate pune stapanire pe mine si voi fi si mai incurcata apoi.
-pai altfel ramai prinsa in... cum i'ai zis tu... "cotidian".
-da, stiu. nu e neaparat rau... dar nu sunt multumita. am atatea planuri si vise, dar nu stiu de ce nu ma apuc de ele. k doar nu e greu. trebuie doar sa ma aplic.
-pai fa'o! (rade)
-mda.
-nah nu face bot... nu te critic.
-stiu, doar ca nu imi place sa mi se spuna ce sa fac.
-pai atunci ne'am hotarat... nu'ti mai zic nimic.
-mersi. (zambeste... parca)
-ai ceva pe cap, asa'i?
-in afara de par?
-da, evident.
-da, dar sunt problemele mele, nu are rost sa ti le pun tie in carca.
-te ajut daca vrei.
-ma descurc, mersi. (ii suna telefonul, se ridica de la masa, iese pana afara sa vorbeasca)
.............
-trebuie sa plec.
-deja? nici nu ti'ai terminat cafeaua.
-da... vorbim. pa!
-mda. ceau! (se uita la ea cum pleaca, cum a facut'o de atatea ori)

asta e un prototip. sa'i zicem scenariu. uneori conversatia difera, actorii raman la fel, aceiasi si, invariabil, circumstante atenuante nu exista niciodata. la sfarsitul zilei nimeni nu se simte mai bine. in cel mai bun caz... la fel.

partea frumoasa e ca puteam sa fac scenariul asta cum vroiam eu, sa'mi las mintea sa zboare spre culmi nemaiintalnite si sa transform totul intr'o discutie plina de haz, sarcasm si replici taioase. dar atunci ar fi fost cea mai mare minciuna spusa vreodata.

ramanem la fel "de" ca de obicei

.h.a.l.t.

as vrea sa fie noapte uneori
la nesfarsit sa nu mai fie zori
sa nu mai prind lumini din iad
si zambete ce le'ntalnesc si cad

cuvinte ce le scriu si ard
si sunete ce se transforma'n murmur fad
reactii la nimic exagerate
transformate'n cauze desarte

oricum's deja departe
cand tot ce ne apropia doar ne desparte
sper sa ma citesti din nou candva
dar nu din nou cu mintea

nu inteleg de n'auzi ce'ti zic mereu
nu stiu de ce tot cred ca sunt de vina eu
nu pot schimba nimic din tot ce'a fost
si ma condamni!

[sunt prost...]

And I'd wish the sun would never come
It's 4 AM and you are done
I hope you know you're letting go
It's 4 AM and I'm alone

.y.s.o.m.b.

aduna kilometri... aduna kilometri sub centura
ca sa ma regasesti... uita'l pe el
uita de tzel... uite de psalmii care'ti suna'n cap
ce cantec iti rasuna'n cap?

nu ma prefac ca pot schimba ceva
nu vreau sa cred ca pot schimba lumea
se schimba oricum ea
si eu raman la fel
ma inconjoara ea, si eu raman la fel...
la fel de rece si de neschimbat
nepasator la timp, si la fel de ciudat...
rasare soarele si'apune la sfarsitul zilei
oricum ma prinde dormind
ma vede dorind sa pot zbura
sau sa pot derula totul inainte 'napoi
dupa cum dracu' "voi"
si apoi pleaca... si nu'mi pasa
daca'i noapte sau e zi, zi'i tu ca nu'mi mai pasa!
ca eu nu mai am chef de jocul asta
zi'i sa'si cada singur in plasa...

si da... observ ca'ncet nu ma mai doare'n pula
daca peretii astia ar vorbi... n'ar mai tacea din gura...

stau jos, stagnez, stau doar sa stau
nu's obosit ca acum m'am trezit
si nu mai stiu ce urmaresc/ce vreau?
si chiar asa... de fapt... doar stau...
sunt orb si prost, urat, jegos
dar nu e nimeni sa ma vada
ca stau cu lumina stinsa si tigara'aprinsa'n cada
si ce'i cel mai rau ca nu vad schimbare in curand
si nici nu stiu daca o vreau... sau oare?
sunt plin de vicii grosolane si tampite
sunt scarbos, cand mananc ragaii
si ma sterg la bot cu "Boii dupa Vite"
nu'ti convine? si iar crezi ca stii totul despre mine, da?
normal ca'mi citesti fiecare miscare... am scris cartea!

nu sunt destept sau stralucit
nu sunt boem ca n'am citit nimic in viata mea
nu vreau sa par spontan, prietenos
sunt ros de ura pana'n os...
nu'mi pasa, nu's atent, nu's grijuliu
nu sunt dragut si nici nu vreau sa fiu!
nu sunt amabil , nu's plin de curtoazie
si te'as face sa plangi cu orice ocazie...
nu's carismatic... merg singur in pula mea
oricum n'o sa te conving vreodata de ceva!

["I've got a golden axe and i chop cherry trees down
Dead to this world. bury me now."]

we just love the way it sounds

punk'rock's out, black'dyed hair and baggy clothes are out, grunge is out, all the things that i grew up with are out... and i can't help but feel a bit disappointed at that. now it's the age of pseudo' gagsters and "cool" kids. now it's "in" to club, to bang your heads to d'n'b, get high and get "expansive". it's expensive. and superficial. there's no more heart in anything. and it all seems based on $ these days. there's no more innocence and no more love. the age of the super city freaks and flah are in. old school hip hop is gone. and so are lyrics that touched the right buttons to make you vibe. these are the days of pre'pubescent teens that get drunk and get in trouble, of cheap booze and carelessness, of cheap women and dirty bathrooms. where the fuck is MY generation? what happened to all the plans and dreams and changes we wanted to make? is this it? i'd rather not, if that's the case. we failed, and failed miserably, at that. and nothing comes after us, because we took care of burning all the bridges and scorching every fertile field in our wake.

you know, everybody exagerates sometimes... but to make a casual thing seem "gangsta"... that's just stupid. i see kids lying on their backs on floors, their friends shaking in a corner or puking in a gutter. it's like nobody gives a fuck anymore. not about anybody else OR about themselves. people forgot the number for the 911 emergency... but they know by heart the one of their dealer, of their "homies" and their "ho's"... and that's just sad... i'd rather not live like that, but i just won't give up... it's the world that was shaped and burned before my eyes. and i can't change that. but i can keep myself real and true and through... i WILL see this to the end... because it's not my place to be ashamed... i've got too much reality to be addicted to... and i'll keep real to the game... my own and by my rules...

"i don't want the truth, i wanna feel fuckin' cool"

XOXO - flow

it all started out just like a dream, a brilliantly excavated part of real, inside surreal and dearly beloved... it evolved just like a palm through to a fist that's gloved, through to a hit that's blocked and re'thrown... and everything was just a series of pivotal moments in time... of movements and chimes... of verses and rhymes... but this is me at my most honest... no egos, no status, just me... still dreaming of us... but all that I can do is write and hope to God you're reading it... because these words are here for that, there's no more faking it... there's no more ways that were left untried, and no small doses... so now i'm e-mailing my love with a dozen digital roses...

dezvaluiri

inteleg situatia mai bine decat cei care's situatia

au vrut emancipare dar i'a speriat democratia

au vrut sa fie oameni mari, inependenti si liberi

si'au ramas cu fardu sters, pe jos, picati de fraieri

se credeau pregatiti, se credeau gata de lupta

dar s'au speriat cand au vazut ca viata ii infrunta

si'i sfideaza si ii face nesimiti, rade de ei

asta vroia in viata? ... sunt greselile ei...

astea's culorile iernii, culorile fricii de tot

se contureaza'ncet, sare din schita si ti'o trage in bot

e limita ta, pe care'ai trecut'o de mult si'ai uitat'o

dar ea te trage'napoi si'ti urla revino'ti ratato!

dar nu ai cum, deja esti mult prea incalcita in toate

oricum viata merge inainte si te lasa in spate

sa futi pe cineva pentru ca'ti place o fatza... citesc zambind...

hai sa continuam sa facem slalom printre cretini...

muchie

You've been runnin' around for so long
You've been hurting yourself too much
You keep messin' around with darkness
You're the one who's losing

(you have power and money, but you are mortal, you know you can not escape death, but immortality can be obtained, the legend is always the same, if others have succeeded conquering death why must we accept it, I know where immortals live and how to obtain their secret, we too might become wisemen. The elements of chemistry are many, but finite, so are the techniques of enlightenment..)